Chapter 12 - Part 2

“Let’s go then,” I said.

The haunted house didn’t look any better in the relative daylight that came through the grey covering of the carnival than it had last night. Cobwebs still hung from the window frames and the balconies. Why were there always cobwebs on haunted houses anyway? I supposed it was to imply that this was a place people avoided – a place no one wanted to revisit.

We stood looking at the house when we suddenly realized that Ken was standing by our side. “There’s really not anything to fear in there, you know,” Ken said.

We all turned to face him. “There are scary things,” Ken said looking back toward the house and nodding his head, “but you’ve been on the other rides. They’ve prepared you and so, now, you have no reason to fear.”

He smiled at us. For some reason, I did not feel better.

“I think for this ride, I had best talk to you before the attraction. Trusting your instincts. Brittney, why do you think we have emotions?”

Brittney furrowed her eyebrows. “To make life better?”

“Ah yes,” Ken said. “Would you agree, Tom?”

Tom seemed to think hard before responding, as well. “Well,” he faltered, “I think some emotions make life better – like when we feel happy or safe or loved, but . . . other emotions sometimes can really hurt.”

“Why do you think we have those emotions?” Ken asked.

“We just do. We’re just human!” Tom said.

“There must be a reason. Come on, Tom.”

Tom frowned. “Maybe it’s like survival,” Tom guessed. “Maybe we need to stay away from things that hurt because they’re bad for us.”

“What do you think, Sonya?” Ken asked.

“I think Tom was very intuitive to say that they can be warnings. I don’t think the warning is telling us to stay away, though. I think it’s telling us to do something different.”

“Have you ever followed your emotions and been glad you did, Sam?” Ken asked turning to me.

I had married Sonya, hadn’t I? “Oh yes,” I said.

“Then don’t you think you should pay attention to your emotions and what they are telling you?” he asked looking at all of us now. “They’re very powerful markers for finding your way. Don’t you think they can be?”

I hadn’t really considered it before. Mainly emotions were just something I had to live through. They seemed to crop up everywhere and threatened to drown me most of the time. I was used to just shoving them out of the way as best I could. I thought about, though, how bad I had felt every time I ever yelled at Sonya, though. That was telling me something wasn’t it? And it wasn’t too hard to figure out what it was.

I looked up to answer Ken, but he was gone.

Brittney was looking around, her eyes big from him having disappeared again. “Good bye, Ken!” she whispered. “Thank you!”

I grimaced. Hopefully this haunted house would get us out of here and we wouldn’t have to be haunted by disappearing therapists any longer. Not that I wasn’t grateful -- I was. It’s just that after you do some learning for awhile, you get anxious to start doing some applying. Life has to start again sometime.

I was ready. I took Sonya’s hand, motioned to the kids, and we went through the front door of the old Victorian mansion. We found ourselves in an entryway – dark, as would be expected with a large chandelier overhead that had more cobwebs hanging from it. There was a door at the back of the room. We made our way toward it and I opened it.

To my surprise, once we went through that doorway, we were no longer in the carnival’s haunted house. We were in our house. I looked at the others in surprise. Then I heard Tom and Brittney’s voices, but I was looking at Tom and Brittney and they weren’t talking. I whipped back around and the younger versions of Tom and Brittney walked into the hall.

“Tom!” Brittney hollered, “Can you please drive me to Shelby’s house?”

“What for?” Tommy demanded.

“It’s her birthday today!” Brittney wailed. “Mom forgot and she already promised you the car and Dad has already gone to meet with Mr. Boscoe on their project. Please, Tommy?? Shelby always has the best parties and everyone I know is going!”

“What time is it at?” Tommy growled.

“Not until four!” she said practically jumping up and down. I could see the hope bursting in her eyes.

“All right,” I heard Tommy say. “I have to go to the library but I’ll come back and get you and take you to Shelby’s.”

“Thank you, Tommy! Thank you!”

Brittney raced back up the hallway and Tommy left the house in the other direction.

The real Brittney and Tommy were right next to me still and both looked sick to their stomachs. Brittney looked like she was going to cry and Tom looked like someone had hit him. “What’s going on?” I demanded.

Tom looked around wildly. “I can’t let him forget. Not this time.” He turned and grabbed Brittney’s shoulders. “That’s not me anymore, Britt. I will keep my promises to you!” Then he turned and before I could stop him, he ran down the hallway and out the door that his younger self had just exited.

“Hey!” I yelled, but he was already out of reach, of course. I looked at Sonya in exasperation. “I thought we were going to stay together!”

Sonya put her hand on my shoulder. “I know it’s scary, but it seems there’s something he has to do.”

The house seemed to get darker and the younger Brittney came skipping out of her room in different clothes and her hair done. She went down the stairs and into the kitchen. The rest of us followed her.

A younger Sonya was in the kitchen. “It’s almost time for that party, Brittney, and Tom’s not back. Do you want me to call one of your friend’s mothers and see if they can drive you over to the party? I could call Sarah’s mom.”

“No,” Brittney said. “I asked Tom. He said he would. He’ll be here.”

Then I understood what was happening. I remembered the day when Tom hadn’t come to take Britt to her party. I had come home to find her crying in her room. I looked at Sonya in alarm. She looked at me and shook her head. She was telling me there was nothing we could do – we’d have to let it play out again and see what happened.

Suddenly I heard the wheels squeal outside and headlights swung into the driveway. “He’s here! I knew he’d come!” Brittney cheered. She ran and gave Sonya a kiss. “See you later, Mom!” she called and she was out the door. We followed her into the front room and watched as she climbed into the car with Tommy and then pulled away. A few seconds later, the older Tom came back into the room with us.

“Oh!” Sonya cried and hugged him. She had been worried when he ran off like that. I thought so. “How did you fix it?” she asked him.

Tom shrugged. “It was me, after all. I just thought the thoughts I should have thought – and paid attention to how my decisions made me feel. Before I knew it, I was turning the car around and heading home.”

Tom looked out the window after the retreating car. “I’ll probably miss my movie, but I’ll have kept my commitments.” He looked down at Brittney and ruffled her hair. “You are way more important to me than a movie anyway.”

She smiled up at him and hugged him so tight it looked like she might break him in half. I smiled, too. That felt good. We could definitely use more of that in our family.

We didn’t get much time to enjoy it, though. As we turned around, the scene around us dissolved and we were at the high school. We were standing next to our car. Inside it was a different me and a different Tom. Tom looked petrified. “You’ll pick me up, Dad, won’t you?” he asked me. “You’ll be here when I’m done?”

“Tom! I’ve got to meet with Harry and go over the programming he’s done for me. I have things to do to support this family and you can walk home. It is not that far.”

“Dad!” he said. “Please! Just today? Just on the first day of practice?”

I watched myself turn away from him and my heart sank. “Fine,” I heard myself say. “I’ll come.” But I knew as I listened to myself that I had never meant it – not even in that very first instant. I just wanted him out of the car so I could get going. How much had I hurt my boy that day? Why hadn’t I noticed that he needed me?

Now it was my turn to leave the family and follow the shadow of myself to make things right. I followed myself to the house of my friend, Harry. I remember that day that he went on and on about the programming he’d done. I watched myself listen to him patiently. But, then as the clock got near six o’clock, I made myself notice my watch and think of Tommy and remember my promise. My shadow self ignored me. I wanted to curse he made me so mad.

Then I remembered the papers in my pocket. I got out the one on Integrity. I read out loud, “Unless I am released from commitments, I must keep them.”

I watched myself for any change in resolution. I repeated it in my ear. Then I repeated it again and again. “Unless I am released from commitments, I must keep them. Unless I am released from commitments, I must keep them.”

Suddenly my shadow self stood up abruptly. “Thanks, Harry! I think you’ve done a great job and I appreciate your help. I hate to run out, but I promised my son I’d pick him up from football practice and I’m already a little bit late.”

Harry looked at me in surprise, but quickly recovered himself. “I completely understand, Sam. You’ve got to be there for your kids and I can forward the rest of this to you tonight.”

“That would be great, Harry.” I watched as we shook hands. Then I was out of there and we were headed back to the ball field.

As I pulled up, I saw one of the coaches alone there with Tommy. Everyone else had left. My heart twisted inside of me. I had never thought what it had been like for Tommy as he waited for me. I knew he had gotten home all right in the end, but I didn’t think of the in-between time when he hadn’t given up on me yet, and his hope struggled with the facts that were becoming more and more clear. I ached for him as I heard him tell this coach, “No thanks. You go. He’ll come.”

There were tears in my eyes as I watched my shadow self pull up in front of Tom and saw the relief and happiness wash over Tommy’s face. I fumbled in my pocket for another sheet of paper. I quickly read, “All persons, including self, are of infinite worth.”

Then I heard my shadow self say, “Sorry I’m late, Tommy, but thanks for waiting. I’m glad I could be here for you. I sure love you.”

Tommy’s grin stretched across his entire face. I’d never seen him look at me like that before. Then the scene dissolved and I was sobbing quietly into my hands and I could feel Tom’s arm around me. “I wish it had been that way, Tommy. I really wish it had!”

“I love you, too, Dad,” Tommy said and I gathered that boy of mine into my arms and it was a long time before I let him go.