Author's Note

So, that's the end. Chapter 15 wraps everything up. I didn't quite make 50,000 words, but the story is done and I am tired and so that will just have to do. This is Katy signing off -- until next year!!! I love NaNoWriMo!

Chapter 15

Chapter 15 – Sonya

I was definitely developing a love-hate relationship with this carnival’s haunted house. Each new scenario was hard to face but I was happy with how we could re-script them with the principles we had learned in the carnival. The amazing thing was that it seemed to be healing our family in a way that nothing else ever had. Brittney was right. We were hugging each other a lot more. We loved each other more. We appreciated being treated this way – the way the principles taught us to treat each other -- and we loved the people who were treating us the way we wanted to be treated. It was a lovely thing. It was an amazing thing.

I could feel we were getting close to the end, too. We were getting to the point Ken wanted for us. I could tell. It wouldn’t be much longer now.

A new scene appeared around us. It was morning time in the kitchen. It looked as though Tom had already left for school and Brittney was just finishing up. I was starting to make some breakfast for myself. Sam was in the kitchen, too, and he was beginning his breakfast very slowly, watching me extremely carefully. Could this be . . . I studied Sam again. Could this be the week he got mad at me for not making him breakfast?

I looked over at the real Sam. His mouth was set in a grim line and he was shaking his head as he walked over to have a talk with himself. I was perplexed. I didn’t know if I should go encourage myself to make Sam breakfast or just let it be. I wished I had noticed that he needed some extra care, but then he couldn’t expect me to always be knowing what he needed without telling me. It set me up to fail and for him to be continually upset with me. I was not a mind reader and I didn’t want to always be keyed up wondering if there was something else I needed to do for Sam. I decided to not do anything. I just watched.

Brittney’s friends came to the door and I watched as I kissed her goodbye. Sam had been whispering to his shadow self this whole time. After Brittney left, I watched as Sam turned to me and said, “Sonya, could I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, Sam. What’s the matter?”

“I’m under a lot of pressure at work this week and I was just wondering if . . . well, if you wouldn’t mind if you could just make me breakfast this week.”

“Are you not going to have as much time in the mornings as usual?” I heard myself asked.

“No. I will. I just want to know that I have your support.”

My face softened. “Of course you have my support, Sam. And if it will help, I will make breakfast for you this week.”

“Thanks, Sonya,” Sam said. “It would really mean a lot to me.”

I smiled at him. “I’m happy to help,” I heard myself say.

The scene changed instantly. It changed so quickly this time that it made my head whirl. We were back in the park and the family reunion was in full swing. I was sitting visiting with some ladies and as I looked up, Sam was charging toward me. The real Sam who had been standing next to me, ran to intercept himself.

I watched with trepidation as the old Sam came and stood in front of the old me. He didn’t yell, though. He took a deep breath. “Sonya,” he said, “do you have my keys?”

“Y-your keys?” The old me still faltered when confronted by him I noticed sadly
.
“Yes! My keys! You borrowed them to put your dish back in the car.” He took another deep breath to calm himself, “If you have them, I’d like them back.”

I knelt down beside the old me. “He’s not going to be mean or humiliating, Sonya. It’s alright. He needs you now, though, and he may be willing to talk.”

I watched as the old me checked her pockets. “I do have them, Sam. Why don’t I walk with you to the car? Excuse me ladies.”

I stood up and walked next to him taking his arm. He put his hand on top of mine. “I was really angry at you when I couldn’t find my keys, but for some reason I found myself thinking that if I were totally honest with myself, I’d know that I was really angry at my mother and not at you.” He squeezed my hand. “Thanks for coming to talk to me.” He chuckled. “I can’t believe I almost thrust you away from me when you make me feel so much better.”

“I’m glad you didn’t, Sam. I hate to see you hurting and it’s so much better when you let me be close to you.”

They walked on in silence.

I joined Sam – the new Sam – my Sam. “Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could always act that way?” I asked him as I put my arm through his and rested my head on his shoulder.

“It sure would, Sonya. It sure would,” he said.

I closed my eyes to enjoy the moment and when I opened them, we were riding on a large fiberglass swan floating down the tunnel of love. I laughed in disbelief. Tom let out a whoop and Brittney said, “We’re going home! We’re going home!”

We snuggled down in the boat with our arms around each other and when we got to the side tunnel where Tommy had tried to go all those hours before, our swan turned merrily and took us away from the carnival and back toward life.

We found ourselves in darkness for several seconds and then suddenly, we weren’t in the boat at all, but in our car racing toward home – speeding in the right direction. The roads were wet and the car was wet, but the rain had stopped and the sun was just bursting through the clouds making everything glitter and shine. Sam slammed on the brakes and we stopped at the side of the road. We all got out.

Sam was turning in a slow circle, scanning the fields in every direction. I started to do the same, but it was no use. We could see no sign of a carnival. There was no sign of the carnival where we had spent the last three days of our lives.

Sam put his arm around me and then around Brittney and then he grabbed Tommy, too. I looked up at him and was surprised to see tears in his eyes. “It may be gone, but I am going to do better. I’m going to try to remember it. I’ve got it all right here.” He moved his hand to tap his heart, but as he did so he felt the papers in his chest pocket. He slowly drew them out. He smiled at me, “Look at that, Cinderella! It’s our glass slipper!”

I smiled back at him. “So it is.”

“What’s that paper, Dad?” Brittney asked, “I didn’t get one of those. You have a paper that I didn’t get!”

Sam looked down in surprise at his papers. To our surprise there was a new paper there. “It’s a phone number of a therapist who lives in our town,” he said quietly not looking up at us. He contemplated the paper for several moments. I wondered if he would consider the ideas of a therapist when he wasn’t trapped in a carnival with his family for hours on end. This would be different. This would have to be his own choice.

He slowly looked up and it was Tom that he looked at. “I guess I did promise to get help with my anger problem, didn’t I?”

Tommy grinned and relief washed through all of us like the sunshine that was lighting up the wetness from the rain. “That you did!” Tom assured him.

“Well,” Sam said, shuffling his papers until he found the one he wanted. He read, “Unless I am released from commitments, I must keep them!”

Brittney dissolved into laughter.

“What?” Sam demanded and started to chase Brittney around the car. She squealed and ran faster.

I put my hand on Sam’s arm and smiled up into his mischievous eyes. “What?” he repeated again.

“Oh Sam,” I said. “Take us home.”

“With pleasure, my sweet,” he said and opened my door.

Chapter 14

Chapter 14 – Brittney

I wasn’t sure I liked this haunted house. I was sure I didn’t like seeing parts of my life come back to haunt me. Everything we had seen so far were things I had never wanted to see again. But it was interesting . . . It was interesting how Tommy and Dad and even Mom had been able to change things. I liked that. But it was hard to watch and not know if they were going to be able to do it right – or do it at all. Plus, I knew a scene with me in it would appear soon and I didn’t know if I was ready for it at all. I had been right about one thing. This was the scariest haunted house ever.

The scene changed and there I was on the couch in the front room of our house. Mom and I were crying and holding each other. A small shudder went through me. I knew what day that was. It was the day I got lost. At least the getting lost part was over and I was back home.

My real mom stepped forward and put her hand on my shoulder. Come on, Britt,” she said. “Let’s see if we can get this right.”

My shadow self on the couch was sobbing and trying to talk. “I’m sorry, Mom! I just got lost and I couldn’t find the way!” I heard myself try to explain, “I just couldn’t do it!” My stomach wrenched. I hated that part.

“Oh Brittney,” Mom said, smoothing my hair, “It’s just too far for you. From now on, I will be there everyday and you won’t have to worry about it again.”

She sat and held me. My real mom squeezed my shoulder and went over to stand beside her shadow self. She started talking to her about growth and how I needed to know that I could do this grown-up thing. My shadow mom had fear in her eyes as these thoughts were placed in her head. I could tell she didn’t want to risk losing me again.

I went over to my shadow self. “Integrity,” I told her. “You have to tell her honestly what you want and how you feel.”

“Mom,” my shadow self sniffed, drying her eyes. “I really want to learn how to do it.”

Panic rose up in my shadow mother’s eyes. Mom kept talking to her about how good it would be for me. I encouraged my shadow self to keep talking. “Today was awful, Mom, I know it and I won’t try to walk by myself again until I can do it without getting lost. But couldn’t you teach me mom? We could go through all the paths home from school until I knew what every place looked like. I could study maps! I could carry a map! Maybe I could get a compass? Dad has that old one somewhere, doesn’t he? Maybe he would let me borrow it.” I was on a brainstorming burst now. It did the trick.

My shadow mom first smiled and then she laughed. “Alright, alright, Brittney. Slow down! I don’t know that a compass is entirely necessary or even a map. Although . . . “ she said considering me carefully, “it might be a good thing for you to learn for other situations in which you might find yourself in life.”

“Yes, Mom! Yes! Oh, yes! I do so want to learn!”

“Okay Britt. I am going to teach you all the ways home from school, but no walking home on your own until you’ve learned them and,” she emphasized, “been tested on them! Do you got that? Is that a deal?”

My shadow self hugged her mom. “Yes, mom! It’s a deal! I love you so much! Thank you for helping me learn! You are the best mom in the whole world!”

My shadow mom laughed again and hugged me back. My real mom came over to put her arm around me. “That’ll work better, won’t it?” she said softly, watching them.

I put my arm around mom, too. “Definitely,” I said.

We walked back to Dad and Tom and we all hugged each other. I got a book from the library once when I was a little girl about families. It talked about how families are all different, “But,” it had concluded, “all families like to hug each other.” I had wondered when my family would all like to hug each other and if that meant that my family wasn’t a real family. Whatever the case, I was starting to feel like a real family now. Maybe this haunted house wasn’t so bad, after all.

We walked a little further down the dark hallway of the haunted house when a new scene materialized in front of us. This time it was the kitchen of our house and just Mom and Tommy were there. I stepped back with Dad to watch.

My mom was in the middle of talking to Tommy about football. The real Tommy’s face went pale. Mom looked at him and said, “Oh no,” and hurried over to her shadow self.

Mom finished giving Tom all the reasons he should take football, even with our real mom talking the whole time in her ear about agency. The shadow Tom turned toward her, “I want to take Karate!” he told mom. “In Karate, you don’t have to be big, but you can still fight. That sounds like something useful to me – not running around on a field pushing people down and fighting over a leather ball.”

“Tommy,” she had said and my heart twisted inside me because I knew what she was going to do. But she stopped before she did it. Mom was talking to her about choices and reminding her how much she prized making her own and telling her to let her son do the same. She must have started to listen to that little voice. “Tommy,” she started again, “I didn’t know you were interested in Karate.”

Shadow Tommy looked at his mom in surprise. That wasn’t the answer he was expecting. He brightened up, though. “Yeah. Yeah, I am,” he said. “I think I’d really like to try it.”

“Well,” mom said hesitating, “I think that’s a fine sport. I’ll talk to Dad about it and see what he says. Maybe we can make that happen.”

“Really?” Tom asked in amazement. “And I don’t have to play football?”

Mom grinned. “Not if you don’t want to, son. I think you should be able to make your own decisions.”

Tom went over and hugged her. “Thanks Mom,” he said. “That really means a lot to me.”

“More hugging!” I whispered incognito to Dad.

He grabbed me and hugged me, too. “Isn’t it great?” he whispered back.

Mom and Tom came toward us. He was looking at mom and his eyes were big. “Can I really take Karate? Did you mean it?”

She laughed. “I don’t know why not! What do you think, Sam?”

“Well,” Dad said, “I think it sounds great. You have my full support.”

Tom let out a loud whoop. “I’m going to take Karate!” he shouted. Then he lifted me up and spun me in a circle. We all laughed at the little boy who seemed to be coming back to our family.

Chapter 13 - Part 2

We were standing in the dark, cobwebby passageways of the haunted house when a new scene appeared around us. We were at the high school, but it didn’t make sense. It was clearly the middle of the morning, yet I was getting in the car with Mom to leave before school was done. Then with a sickening twist in my stomach, I realized this was the day I was caught with alcohol at school. I felt panic rising in me and I took a couple of steps backward. I would have turned and ran except that I suddenly felt my dad’s hand on my shoulder steadying me. “You can do it, Tom. I could and so can you.”

That brought me back somehow. It made me remember that I had learned some new things and I was a new person in a way and I could do it differently. I took a deep breath. This haunted house wasn’t going to frighten me away.

Now I was riding in the car and my mom was asking me what happened.

“Sheesh, Mom! It’s not that big of a deal. It wasn’t even mine. It belonged to Boozer. I was just holding it for him.” I heard myself say.

Mom pressed further. “Have you been drinking, though, Tommy?”

I cringed as I watched myself answer Mom, “Don’t call me Tommy! It’s Tom, okay? And no! I haven’t been drinking.”

I leaned over the car seat and pleaded into my ears, “Tell her the truth! That’s how good relationships are made and kept up! Tell her the truth! Maybe she can help. Tell her the truth! She loves you and she really cares! Tell her the truth!”

“Actually Mom,” my shadow self started to say, the anger seeping out of his voice. “Actually, I have done some drinking. I don’t want to lie to you.”

“Thank you, Tom. I so appreciate your honesty. Can you promise me that you won’t do it again?” my mom in the front seat said.

I watched myself squirm. “Honestly?” my shadow self finally asked.

“Honestly,” my mom replied.

“Honestly, I don’t know if I can promise you that.” My shadow self looked down. I knew how hard it had been for him to say that. It had always been hard for me to let my mother down.

My mom blew air out between her lips in frustration. “Well,” she began again, “can you promise me that you won’t drive after you’ve been drinking or get in the car with someone who’s been drinking? Will you promise to call me if you need a ride?”

That was hard for my mom, I could tell. She didn’t want me drinking at all. It was a compromise. “Yes,” my shadow self finally said. “I can promise you that.”

“Good!” mom said. “And no more alcohol at school!” she said forcefully.

My shadow self grinned. “And no more alcohol at school.”

The scene changed and we were in the front room of our house. A shadow of mom and dad sat on the couch reading. Then the door burst open and a shadow of myself came in completely drunk. I went to stand by myself while mom and dad went to stand by their shadow selves. Brittney shrank into a corner. I was overwhelmed by the scene in front of me. I didn’t know if we could face it again – let alone fix it. Was their even a right way to deal with a situation like this?

I saw my dad jump to his feet, and in spite of myself, I cringed. At least when he’d attacked me the first time, I had been drunk and had experienced it all through a haze. Before he could get to me, though, my dad was behind him pleading with him. I hoped he was saying some of that affirming worth stuff to him like all people, even drunk boys, are of worth or misbehavior is always the symptom of some other problem.

I waited for the outburst that I knew was coming from my father, but it didn’t come. He stood clenching and unclenching his fists. Finally he said, “You better take yourself to the bathroom, son. You look like you’re going to throw up. We’ll talk about this later.”

I stood there still reeling as my shadow self stumbled out of the room. I didn’t have time to recover before the scene changed again and I was in my bedroom nursing a hangover from the night before. I remembered how my mother had come in that day and I had made her a promise that I didn’t keep.

I turned toward the door, waiting for my mother to come in. The door opened and my mother came in, but behind her my father came in as well. I didn’t know whether to feel hope or to feel dread. How my father would deal with this I did not know. I knelt beside the bed where my shadow self lay and reminded him to be honest.

“Tom, we want to talk to you,” my dad said after they had sat by the edge of my bed.

I moaned, but managed to crack my eyes open and turn toward them.

“We hate to see you like this, Tom,” my dad said.

“Why are you drinking, Tom?” my mom asked.

“Honestly?” I asked.

“Honestly,” my mom said encouragingly.

“It just feels good. My friends who drink would stop being my friends if I didn’t drink. But when I do drink, I’ve got all the friends in the world.” I watched as I closed my eyes again and sank back into my pillow, “It’s nice,” I said.

“What about us?” my mom asked, “Can’t we be your circle of friends? Aren’t we a kind of support for you?”

I watched as my self on the bed snorted and then gripped his head in pain. “When was the last time either of you cared what I want? Yea, this is a great support – a place where my dad is always yelling and my mom is always cowering and my sister is always simpering. This is the place I want to get away from! Give me a break! Go away!”

I was definitely being honest now.

My dad cleared his throat, “What do you want from us, Tom?”

My shadow self laughed softly. “What do I want? I want parents who are proud of me. I want a family that makes me feel good about myself. I want a dad who is careful with what he says and what he gets angry about. I want us to be different!”

“I want us to be different, too, Tom, and I’m so sorry that we’ve hurt you,” my mom said.

Tears welled up in my eyes. It was me who had hurt them and not the other way around.

“Tom, I,” my dad started and then shook his head, “I know I get angry too often and that it hurts all of you. It’s wrong and I need help. I’m going to get help for it. But in the mean time, I know that kids and drinking can spiral out of control. I don’t want that for you. Can you work on that, too – while I’m working on my anger control?”

My self on the bed looked at my dad suspiciously. “Are you being honest now?”

“Yes sir, I am,” Dad said.

“Alright,” I heard myself say. “I will see what I can do.” Then I rolled over back toward the wall.

My parents turned to leave, but my dad put his hand on his shadow self’s shoulder and told him something more. Then his shadow self turned and said, “Tom, maybe when you’re feeling better, we could go throw the ball around some? Maybe we could talk about fixing up that old car you’ve been talking about. It might be fun.”

My shadow self turned back toward Dad and contemplated him quietly. I knelt by him and whispered to him about growth and doing things to make your relationship grow. Finally he smiled, “Yeah Dad. That’d be great.”

When the scene dissolved around us this time, I still felt a little shaky. There were no high fives this time. None of us could tell how that whole situation would work out. We knew we had dealt with it better, but there are never any guarantees are there? I didn’t even know now if drinking was something I wanted to give up. Could my family really fill in the empty places that drinking and my friends seemed to fill up? It’d be nice to be comfortable with my family and not have any secrets from them, but I needed friends, too. Maybe I could build some new relationships with kids who had fun doing different things. I was getting awfully good at relationships after this carnival thing anyway.

Brittney came over and hugged me. “You were brave, Tommy,” she said.

I rumpled her hair. “Thanks, kiddo,” I said. I hoped I could be as brave as she thought.